I Corinthians 9:24 "Know ye not that they which run in a race run all, but one receiveth the prize? So run, that ye may obtain.
I know as I read this verse at times I just don't feel like running. I don't even feel like moving. I feel like sitting done and letting the others pass me cause I feel like I don't even deserve the prize that we are going to obtain. At other times when I feel like sitting it is because it is a lack of strength to keep moving. It is a fight with in myself for the desire to even move. Even as a pastor's wife I feel this way at times. These are the times when my bipolar is low. These are the times when I sit in darkness and blow out the light. These times might last awhile or a short time. But praise be to God He doesn't let the light stayed blown out!
There are many different kinds of races. Some are races with smooth roads with your occasional wind in the road. Others are on rocky terrain with mountains, caves, and rivers. Some are long and some are short. But it is still a race. All and all if you are in Christ you are in the race. With bipolar to me it feels like I'm in the race with the rough terrain. But the important thing is when I fall over the rocks, run threw the caves, and have to struggle across the river even if I feel like I'm drowning, is to KEEP GOING. When I fall the Lord is always there to pick me up. Not because He has to but because He wants too. Jesus has already obtained the prize for us but it is our job to keep running (as hard as it may be at times). The Lord knows how hard the race is for us. He is running it with us. If we sit down and stop we have let the devil and bipolar win. So when you have tripped over the rocks and have fallen remember Jesus' hand is waiting to be grabbed to pull you out. When you are in the cave and there is no light Jesus is there to shine the way. When your drowning in the river Jesus is there to be your life raft. We just have to fight with ourselves to let Him do all these things. That is the hardest part of all. It is not easy I know. I speak these words to myself also. I just keep trying to tell myself I have bipolar , bipolar does not have me!
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Dear Bipolar Pastor's Wife;
ReplyDeleteGod bless you for starting this blog. Keep it up, it is very nicely done, and a good outlet for you.
I am a United Methodist pastor, and was diagnosed with Bipolar I, OCD and Borderline Personality Disorder in 1994. In my case, even though the church won't admit it, my ministry would be over if it were known.
The only people who know are my immediate family, therapist, pDoc and my "online" friends. (They only know me as "Winston C. Smith".) That way any one doing a search won't accidentally stumble onto my name.
I have always felt that I needed to "come out" in support of those professionals with mental illness who can be productive in society. It's strange how a disease, such as cancer, would bring about a great love from the congregation, while a diagnosis of MI wouldn't. After all, the brain is just an organ, like the liver, or heart or kidneys. However, society has taught people to be scared and mistrusting of us.
I am 52 and my wife is 56. On March 20 of this year, she suffered a massive stroke that she is slowly recovering from. (Note: FYI, she is 5'7", weighed 107#, exercises every day for at least 1-1/2 hours, swam a minimum of 3 miles a week for the past 35 years, and has been a strict vegetarian since college. She did however have a history of high blood pressure, and was taking Coreg when it happened - I never really realized how serious high blood pressure is, and share this story with everyone, with hopes that they will take it seriously.)
I would like to know more about your situation, and keep in touch with you.
Write any time.
Winston C. Smith
Check out my blog at: http://hidingbehindthepulpit.blogspot.com/
If you like it, feel free to link it to yours.